How did Darth Vader know what he was getting for Christmas? He felt Luke's presents!
A long time ago, in a galaxy not quite as far away as you’d think… there were three films. To those who worshipped these films, they were some of the greatest ever. They told of far off worlds, powerful sorcerer knights, large unintelligible hairballs, dark overlords, swords of light and gay robots.
And then the shadow of an usurper threatened to spoil the films the people held so dear. This “Phantom Menace” met with fierce opposition. To those most devoted followers, they felt betrayed. The very man that had created the original trilogy had created this usurper. The dialogue was terrible. The acting was just as bad. Jar Jar Binks was a retarded fucker. Looking ahead to a future they that hoped would be brighter, the “fans” as these devotees were known maintained the next film would be better. The dialogue would be sparkling. The acting sublime. Jar Jar Binks would die a slow and painful death by Force Choke or a lightsaber. Or a brain haemorrhage. Anything.
But alas, to these fans, Attack of the Clones rivalled The Phantom Menace in the turgid crap stakes. The dialogue was flat. With the arrival of the young Hayden Christensen, the acting was even worse. And horror of horrors, not only was Jar Jar Binks still alive, he was A FREAKING SENATOR!!!! What the fuck was the Blessed George Lucas doing?
Yet, in the fan’s eternal optimism, again they held that Episode 3 would blow the other two out of the water.
So, with the arrival of Revenge of the Sith, many were proved right. The dialogue was still pretty patchy, the acting a little better, and best of all, almost NO Jar Jar! Sir Lucas had redeemed himself a little, and the fans could put the last troubling few years behind them.
But, I’m not one of those fans. I loved and still do love the original trilogy, but I also love the last trilogy. Perhaps even more so. Why? Because, dear friends, I understand Star Wars, I understand George Lucas. Cosmo Landesman (if that even IS his/her real name!), the film critic of the Culture section of the Sunday Times gave Revenge of the Sith a measly one star, saying "This is a big epic, but go to its heart and you find that it's empty; the lightsabers are on, but there's nobody home." Throughout his two-page review, he complained of the creaky dialogue, the terrible acting and knowing what’s going to happen, because we all know who lives and who dies. This of course, doesn’t surprise. Mr. Landesman and I have never seen eye to eye. He hates almost every film I like and vice-versa. I get the feeling he, and SO many others took their seats expecting Shakespeare and were disappointed when the closest they got was Yoda. It’s why he finds so many films frightfully disappointing, particularly the Hollywood big-budget, big FX ones.
But, what he and all those others fail to remember is one of the most important things about film. And read this carefully, because it will be the most important statement I’m going to make in this piece!
Here it is:
Film, is a V-I-S-U-A-L medium!
Now, I like a good script, nice dialogue and good acting as much as the next guy. But seriously, if you go to the cinema every time expecting shimmering dialogue, you’re in for a big disappointment. You might as well just stay at home and read Shakespeare. Star Wars is a flight of imagination, a world taken from inside Lucas’ head and lovingly recreated by artists for our consumption. The dialogue may be immensely shit in parts, the acting may be worse – not looking at anyone in particular HAYDEN CHRISTENSEN (not so much Anakin as he is mannequin!) But what everyone seems to forget so quickly is that Lucas has made three of the most visually stunning films since…well, since the original trilogy. Just look at the amazing visuals of Coruscant, the Pod Race of Episode 1, the space battle that opened ‘Sith, the sea-world place that Obi Wan visits where they were creating the clone army. I really could go on for ages. The point is, go in looking for Oscar Wilde and you’ll be disappointed. But go in looking for visuals to fire your imagination like napalm and Georgie-boy won’t let you down.
And not only that, but George Lucas has succeeded in creating arguably the best fantasy universe since Middle Earth. In fact, I think the “far away” galaxy could kick Middle Earth’s hairy hobbit-y old ass from here to Tatooine, but that’s just me. I mean come on, they’ve got lightsabers for fuck’s sake. Easily one of the greatest inventions EVER and every guys techie wet dream. More compact and more destructive than any sword, and not to mention the fwoooooom fwooooom noise! *sigh* Then there’s the sound the Tie-Fighters make, the whole history of the Jedi and Sith, the infinitely different types of droids and aliens, Padmé’s range of almost-liquid silver ships. Star Wars extends FAR beyond the films. There are the comics, the cartoons (Clone Wars kicks PARTI-C-U-L-A-R ass!) the books, the websites, the fan films, the fan spoofs, the costumes, the lightsaber innuendo, the jokes. Star Wars may not exactly be a literary tour de force (heh heh “force”), but it’s almost a whole sub-culture in itself.
I think you know I’m not saying the films are perfect. Far from it, none of them would be in my top 5! At times the shit dialogue and acting can take a bit from the films, but I’ll always love them for the action, for how they look and for the whole iceberg of which the films are merely the tip. And whatever the “fans” say, there’s no way the original trilogy was so perfect that the last three pale in comparison. Dude, we’ve all seen them, they’re not exactly Shakespeare either, so take off that rose tinted Vader helmet and stop thinking everything was better back in the day.
As Chewie (or indeed, I) would say “Urrrrreeeeeeaaaaaaaoooor!!” Or yknow, something to that effect.
And then the shadow of an usurper threatened to spoil the films the people held so dear. This “Phantom Menace” met with fierce opposition. To those most devoted followers, they felt betrayed. The very man that had created the original trilogy had created this usurper. The dialogue was terrible. The acting was just as bad. Jar Jar Binks was a retarded fucker. Looking ahead to a future they that hoped would be brighter, the “fans” as these devotees were known maintained the next film would be better. The dialogue would be sparkling. The acting sublime. Jar Jar Binks would die a slow and painful death by Force Choke or a lightsaber. Or a brain haemorrhage. Anything.
But alas, to these fans, Attack of the Clones rivalled The Phantom Menace in the turgid crap stakes. The dialogue was flat. With the arrival of the young Hayden Christensen, the acting was even worse. And horror of horrors, not only was Jar Jar Binks still alive, he was A FREAKING SENATOR!!!! What the fuck was the Blessed George Lucas doing?
Yet, in the fan’s eternal optimism, again they held that Episode 3 would blow the other two out of the water.
So, with the arrival of Revenge of the Sith, many were proved right. The dialogue was still pretty patchy, the acting a little better, and best of all, almost NO Jar Jar! Sir Lucas had redeemed himself a little, and the fans could put the last troubling few years behind them.
But, I’m not one of those fans. I loved and still do love the original trilogy, but I also love the last trilogy. Perhaps even more so. Why? Because, dear friends, I understand Star Wars, I understand George Lucas. Cosmo Landesman (if that even IS his/her real name!), the film critic of the Culture section of the Sunday Times gave Revenge of the Sith a measly one star, saying "This is a big epic, but go to its heart and you find that it's empty; the lightsabers are on, but there's nobody home." Throughout his two-page review, he complained of the creaky dialogue, the terrible acting and knowing what’s going to happen, because we all know who lives and who dies. This of course, doesn’t surprise. Mr. Landesman and I have never seen eye to eye. He hates almost every film I like and vice-versa. I get the feeling he, and SO many others took their seats expecting Shakespeare and were disappointed when the closest they got was Yoda. It’s why he finds so many films frightfully disappointing, particularly the Hollywood big-budget, big FX ones.
But, what he and all those others fail to remember is one of the most important things about film. And read this carefully, because it will be the most important statement I’m going to make in this piece!
Here it is:
Film, is a V-I-S-U-A-L medium!
Now, I like a good script, nice dialogue and good acting as much as the next guy. But seriously, if you go to the cinema every time expecting shimmering dialogue, you’re in for a big disappointment. You might as well just stay at home and read Shakespeare. Star Wars is a flight of imagination, a world taken from inside Lucas’ head and lovingly recreated by artists for our consumption. The dialogue may be immensely shit in parts, the acting may be worse – not looking at anyone in particular HAYDEN CHRISTENSEN (not so much Anakin as he is mannequin!) But what everyone seems to forget so quickly is that Lucas has made three of the most visually stunning films since…well, since the original trilogy. Just look at the amazing visuals of Coruscant, the Pod Race of Episode 1, the space battle that opened ‘Sith, the sea-world place that Obi Wan visits where they were creating the clone army. I really could go on for ages. The point is, go in looking for Oscar Wilde and you’ll be disappointed. But go in looking for visuals to fire your imagination like napalm and Georgie-boy won’t let you down.
And not only that, but George Lucas has succeeded in creating arguably the best fantasy universe since Middle Earth. In fact, I think the “far away” galaxy could kick Middle Earth’s hairy hobbit-y old ass from here to Tatooine, but that’s just me. I mean come on, they’ve got lightsabers for fuck’s sake. Easily one of the greatest inventions EVER and every guys techie wet dream. More compact and more destructive than any sword, and not to mention the fwoooooom fwooooom noise! *sigh* Then there’s the sound the Tie-Fighters make, the whole history of the Jedi and Sith, the infinitely different types of droids and aliens, Padmé’s range of almost-liquid silver ships. Star Wars extends FAR beyond the films. There are the comics, the cartoons (Clone Wars kicks PARTI-C-U-L-A-R ass!) the books, the websites, the fan films, the fan spoofs, the costumes, the lightsaber innuendo, the jokes. Star Wars may not exactly be a literary tour de force (heh heh “force”), but it’s almost a whole sub-culture in itself.
I think you know I’m not saying the films are perfect. Far from it, none of them would be in my top 5! At times the shit dialogue and acting can take a bit from the films, but I’ll always love them for the action, for how they look and for the whole iceberg of which the films are merely the tip. And whatever the “fans” say, there’s no way the original trilogy was so perfect that the last three pale in comparison. Dude, we’ve all seen them, they’re not exactly Shakespeare either, so take off that rose tinted Vader helmet and stop thinking everything was better back in the day.
As Chewie (or indeed, I) would say “Urrrrreeeeeeaaaaaaaoooor!!” Or yknow, something to that effect.
